This article was first published in April 2021.
Life is always a struggle whether we are married or not, albeit in different ways.
I feel that the lenses we see marriage today can be rather foggy.
We fail to see that marriage is driven by something innate created by Allah to help us achieve tranquility or sakinah. A good spouse completes our lives and brings tranquility to our hearts.
The formula to achieve this tranquility has also been given by Allah, that is mutual love (mawaddah) and blessings or mercy (rahmah) to each other.
Like providence (rizq), these are also gifts from Allah but it is the nature that Allah has created that we should work and strive to earn.
Love can ebb and so, too, can it grow. There are so many beautiful marriages where the couples’ love grows as they age through life even as their physical assets, beauty and attractiveness eroded through time.
As the love of Allah is infinite, the love for each other grows just as much as their love for the sake of Allah, and in gratitude for the company and the discovery of meaning and purpose of life together binds their hearts. Such couples miss and long for each other’s company as they go through life’s struggles and hope to be able to be together not just in this world but for eternity in Jannah.
Couples who understand the intention of marriage recognise that they are blessings for each other. It’s not about showering one another with wealth or gifts, but more importantly to help and provide for each other’s spiritual, physical and emotional needs (nafkah) to the best that is within their means. It’s about being forgiving towards each other’s shortcomings and personal challenges – we are, after all, humans.
The biggest blessing to each other would be to help your partner overcome his or her personal weaknesses and challenges to become a better partner in our journey, to be better individuals and to become a blessed couple.
Couples who understand the intention of marriage recognise that they are blessings for each other.
Islam does not tolerate abusive relationships. Rasulullah (PBUH) even advised a sahabiyah not to marry a suitor who is known to be abusive and toxic.
There is much hope and blessings from a good marriage. May Allah grant each of us a marriage that brings sakinah which will help us secure a place in Jannah.